ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Literature Text
"I'm a piece of shit, and that's why I can't do this.
And if only I was not such a piece of shit..."*
And I'm turning up the guy screaming in my headphones
and thinking, I don't want to hear this, I don't want to hear this.
And why am I holding in my shit in every childhood memory?
Why was I not taught any self-worth, why was I not
shown how to get mad at people; the only person I hate
is myself.
I tried cutting myself and smoking a little.
I never got the mutilation out of it, only the art.
Always music and writing, do I find art in misery
or misery in art?
Life is not worth it. Too lazy to break my spirals,
either by giving up or jumping in. Congratulations,
Mom, you bore a martyr. The easiest way out is to
affect people through failure, not accomplishments.
How did I become too lazy to live?
Hello doctor, I've never been this deep in the loop before,
and I'm starting to become frightened. I can't tell the
difference between the surface and the depth. I can't see a thing.
The best I hope for is that the scenery will change, that
my will to survive will bring about a veil of ignorance.
That right now is not really a state of truth, but just
another illusion covering the dark recesses.
*Quote taken from VMag, a free NorthHampton, MA publication. It was used in Skin as Text, an interview of Jenna Evans by Jessica Faller-Berger about self mutilation.
And if only I was not such a piece of shit..."*
And I'm turning up the guy screaming in my headphones
and thinking, I don't want to hear this, I don't want to hear this.
And why am I holding in my shit in every childhood memory?
Why was I not taught any self-worth, why was I not
shown how to get mad at people; the only person I hate
is myself.
I tried cutting myself and smoking a little.
I never got the mutilation out of it, only the art.
Always music and writing, do I find art in misery
or misery in art?
Life is not worth it. Too lazy to break my spirals,
either by giving up or jumping in. Congratulations,
Mom, you bore a martyr. The easiest way out is to
affect people through failure, not accomplishments.
How did I become too lazy to live?
Hello doctor, I've never been this deep in the loop before,
and I'm starting to become frightened. I can't tell the
difference between the surface and the depth. I can't see a thing.
The best I hope for is that the scenery will change, that
my will to survive will bring about a veil of ignorance.
That right now is not really a state of truth, but just
another illusion covering the dark recesses.
*Quote taken from VMag, a free NorthHampton, MA publication. It was used in Skin as Text, an interview of Jenna Evans by Jessica Faller-Berger about self mutilation.
I wrote this on a train on the way to Montreal. It was a very powerful moment of the early part of a transitional phase. I'll let you know when I'm done transitioning. 
© 2002 - 2024 neolmas
Comments3
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Again, and again, and again. It's like a hammer to my right temple, yet I believe that it'sa gentle mother's first two fingers turning counter-clockwise on my left. The thing about this poem that strikes most is the screaming from the cracks, from in between the lines, the pulling at the unimaginable that seeps from the gaps separating the stanzas. The desperation of death, and the praying for an answer. I don't know what else to say, or if I'm even saying this right... It's all...so...miserable...and yet...artistic...